Men's Mental Health Matters: Finding Your Purpose with Jay H Tepley

Episode #131

In this episode, Adrian Starks interviews Jay H. Tepley about stepping into greatness as a man and finding purpose. They discuss the challenges men face in society and the importance of rites of passage. Jay emphasizes that purpose should not be equated with career and explains the process of choosing and expressing one's purpose. They also explore the concept of the new era and the need for personal responsibility. Jay shares insights on breaking through plateaus and offers advice on living a purposeful life. The episode concludes with a discussion on Jay's book, The Light Witch Chronicles, and her lightsaber training program for mental health.


takeaways

• Men face challenges in society and often lack support and guidance.
• Purpose should not be equated with career; it is about becoming the greatest version of oneself.
• The new era requires embracing personal responsibility and creating one's own reality.
• Breaking through plateaus requires listening to the heart and seeking guidance from mentors.
• Living a purposeful life means finding inner peace and serving the world.

Guest: Jay H. Tepley

Social Media

Website: https://newerasuperhero.com/

Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@newerasuperhero

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/newerasuperhero

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/newerasuperhero

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jhtepley/ 

Transcript

Adrian Starks (00:04.825)
Hey everyone, welcome back to Your Purposeful Life podcast with your host, Adrian Starks. And today we are going to be talking about how to step into your greatness as a man and create epic legacy and finding the purpose. Whoa. So maybe as a man right now, you're feeling like you're not at your best. It could be income, success, or impact, or even just personal satisfaction wherever you are. Do you feel that pressure to be more of a man than you are right now and you're not able to do it at this time? Have you lost connection with maybe your purpose?

Well, today we have someone who's going to help you get that back. We have a special guest on and her name is Jay Tepley. Jay, welcome to the podcast and community.

Jay H. Tepley (00:43.618)
Hello, thank you so much for having me on the show.

Adrian Starks (00:47.089)
It's great to have you on. Let's talk a little bit more about who you are and why you are here because you are creating some major changes in men's lives. So you're an author, you're an entrepreneur, international speaker and spiritual mentor. And over the past 20 years, listen to this everyone. Yeah, over the past 20 years, her new era superhero program showed many men across the globe the path to increased revenue, success, impact and personal fulfillment through helping them connect.

Jay H. Tepley (00:59.842)
Let's ride!

Adrian Starks (01:16.217)
with their sole purpose. Here's another thing about Jay that I really love. Her charity work supporting mental health through Lightsaber training, which we will talk about a little bit later. She's got a lightsaber with her today. Has been featured in The Guardian, The Jeremy Vine Show, and BBC One. Whoa. So Jay, let's get right into this here. What do you feel is a problem right now with men across the world and what are they facing?

Jay H. Tepley (01:43.498)
I think men are facing a lot of challenges right now. And in my opinion and in my observation, our society just doesn't do enough to support men, especially young men, who are just getting into society, who are just finding their footing and their message and their gift. And there is a lot of emphasis on helping women, which is great, because of course it's a great initiative.

I just think for men, everyone assumes that men should be alright as they are. So instead of helping them achieve that greatness, they're basically left to their own devices, but even more so, they get harshly criticized whenever they fail. And yet, there is no support and no proper framework for them to get things right. And in my opinion, women are actually better off without...

If we talk about two categories, men and women without guidance, I would say women are better off in most cases because they have this really strong intuition. The way their mind works, they can figure things out because they can sense what they should be doing. And with men, men actually need an exact framework, a set of steps to operate within, to get things right. Because our society doesn't really provide that for them. In ancient times,

there were rites of passage, there were rites of passage into manhood. So men knew what to do to become a true member of the society and then what to do to become this greatest version of themselves. Now when that was taken away, many men are basically lost and depressed and this is what I see all around. So to me this is the greatest problem right now.

Adrian Starks (03:22.373)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (03:42.014)
That is a big problem. I like how you said to how society just assumes that men are okay, that we've got it together and then we'll eventually if we don't, we'll figure it out.

And I believe that's a big problem because a lot of us have not figured it out and we're vulnerable just like anyone else. And I think if you look at social media, not to use it as a precursor to how men are going to be, but if you look at all the examples of some of the celebrities, the men who have passed away, who have left this planet because of arising issues that they were unwilling to really talk about publicly, maybe because of pressure. And I know that society doesn't support.

Jay H. Tepley (03:56.77)
Yeah.

Jay H. Tepley (04:10.134)
Yeah.

Jay H. Tepley (04:16.012)
Yeah.

Adrian Starks (04:20.513)
meant enough and this is an ongoing concern. But here's an interesting thing I want to bring up here. You have a quote and this quote is, it was on your website and I had to pull it off and say it here. Our purpose is the reason we were put on this earth. It represents who we are, where we're going.

and the value we want to create for ourselves in the world. It's where we find our meaning, fulfillment, and significance in our lives. And this was by Tommy Breedlove, the author of Legendary. When I read that quote, Jay, I thought automatically of the Scottish philosopher named Thomas Carlyle. And he said that a person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder. And thinking of purpose here, there are some things that I found out about

Jay H. Tepley (04:58.728)
Yes.

Adrian Starks (05:05.025)
about men across the planet who have not figured out their purpose or they've lost it. They haven't reshaped it, so to speak. And one phrase that's going about right now is suffering in silence. That's a big topic for men. Why do you feel or what is your take on the suffering in silence? What can we do to resolve that issue of suffering in silence?

Jay H. Tepley (05:12.599)
Mm.

Jay H. Tepley (05:18.665)
Yeah.

Jay H. Tepley (05:31.566)
right well you probably know another famous quote that most people live a life of quiet desperation

Adrian Starks (05:38.757)
Henry David Thoreau. Yes.

Jay H. Tepley (05:40.894)
Yes, which is very similar to what you just said. And yes, of course, because when it comes to mental health, spiritual issues, emotional issues, it's difficult for most people to put them into words to begin with, and much more to put them into words publicly because of the fear of judgment. Because, you know, if you become vulnerable like that...

People think, well, you know, if I open up, someone could use that against me. Someone could take advantage of me. So on top of having this emotional issue, I'm going to have a whole host of issues related to people say laughing at me and not taking me seriously, treating me as someone inferior and things like that. And so, of course, suffering in silence seems almost like a better alternative to

Adrian Starks (06:24.241)
Heh heh heh.

Jay H. Tepley (06:40.678)
living in ridicule. And so for men especially, because for women it's a whole the whole fabric of how women interactions are based, it's them talking to each other, sharing emotions, sharing memories, sharing thoughts. And of course men do that as well to a degree, but there is a strong sense of competition, you know, when a group of boys are talking.

Adrian Starks (06:42.544)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (07:06.63)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (07:09.254)
none of them wants to be seen as that weak one, they want to be seen as cool. And it's hard to reconcile it in your mind, being cool and having an emotional issue. And so, of course, there is a strong desire to cover it up, to gloss it over, so that you can show yourself up as a superhero of sorts. So this is why this is why it happens.

Adrian Starks (07:35.217)
Hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (07:38.178)
I don't think it's a bad thing per se because the desire to be better, which lies at the core of that, which fuels that issue, the desire itself is good, it's just being channeled in the wrong way. And so I think the way out would be to A. Understand and appreciate, acknowledge and honor that desire. Because it's great, we need to be better.

if we are not striving towards the worthy goal, if we are not improving ourselves, this is where apathy and depression kicks in. But we just need to channel it in the right avenue and use it to our advantage. So having this desire, embracing this desire and thinking, right, well, I actually stand for something a lot greater, because this is what we need as human

We need to feel part of something greater than ourselves. We need to stand for something that truly matters. And this is why people, for example, join all sorts of sometimes silly organizations just to get a glimpse of that feeling. But if we align our values, our attitudes, with what truly matters, with what is really valuable, what it does is that your mind

kind of automatically goes into that mode where you understand that you bring so much value into the world. Those issues don't define you anymore. And so you're okay sharing them, because they're just such a small thing, they may be holding you back, but they're not who you are, and you can't be judged by them. And so it creates a very powerful shift in perspective.

Adrian Starks (09:26.595)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (09:34.565)
Yeah, speaking of perspective here, a lot of it that I'm hearing is basically the social phobia that a lot of men...

have and how they're like being compared to other men and am I strong enough or am I weak? And wow, so much, am I man enough? There's so much pressure and it's like, wow, no, no wonder why there's, you know, just a rising rate of men across the world that are suffering in that science that we talked about. So we, you really gave a great example of understanding our desires and how these desires help propel us and take us outside of that, that need to fit in this little box of what

Jay H. Tepley (09:47.343)
Yeah, am I man enough?

Adrian Starks (10:12.147)
what society thinks a man should be, but more importantly, a part of something greater. I love that. What is the most common mistake, Jay, that you find that people make, maybe men, but just people in general, when they're trying to find their purpose?

Jay H. Tepley (10:28.386)
Oh, I love this question, thank you. So the most common mistake is people think, and it's not their fault because it's fueled by the whole industry of coaching, I've noticed. Their mistake is in thinking that their purpose equals their career choice. And so you have all sorts of diagrams where you fill in the circles and...

Adrian Starks (10:48.495)
Mm.

Jay H. Tepley (10:53.178)
The Ikegai for example is a great example of that, you know, what the world needs, what you do, all of this. And so the problem with that is if you do what you're already good at, your soul is going to hate that. Because if you are good at something, it means that your soul has already mastered that skill, that ability, whatever it is. And our purpose is now a career.

This is why if you get it wrong, if you think, okay, this is this job that I should take to live my purpose, it's going to burn out and it's going to, sometimes it's going to hit really hard. Like people get really depressed and mentally destroyed when they discover like, oh, I thought this was my purpose. I gave it my all and now I just feel empty. Because our purpose is not the career choice. Our purpose is becoming the greatest version.

Adrian Starks (11:45.774)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (11:51.774)
ourselves. And if it sounds a bit vague, let's just look at nature, because it makes it really easy to understand. So if you look at literally anything that exists around you, let's say you find an acorn in a forest and you look at it and you think what is the purpose of it. And now it's really obvious, because you think well the purpose of it is to become a small oak and to grow and become the greatest oak that it can possibly be. And same, you know, if you find

Adrian Starks (12:07.428)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (12:19.317)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (12:20.234)
say a little kitten or a little dog, what is their purpose? Their purpose is to become the best example of their species and pass it on. Right? So we are not exempt from that rule. We don't exist in some vacuum. We are part of the world that exists around us. And so our purpose is likewise becoming from the seed of who we are, that seed of potentiality.

Adrian Starks (12:29.146)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (12:48.642)
to into someone who has realized that potential and stepped into it. And the beauty of it is that unlike, let's say, an animal or a plant, with us it's a never-ending journey. You can never say that you've arrived, you've developed yourself, that's it, you know? You're done. And so you keep going always, for as long as your life, and that fuels you more than anything else.

Adrian Starks (12:48.753)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (13:18.926)
That is our actual purpose from the universal standpoint. But then the more you become, I call it your true self, you know, your greater self that you have embedded in your soul, in your heart, the more you become that, the more you see how you can apply that. So it's like climbing a mountain. You know, at the beginning, this is where many people really...

Adrian Starks (13:27.837)
Mm-hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (13:43.79)
over it because they think okay so I want to live my purpose let's just fill out some diagram and let's find out what career is out there. But imagine climbing a mountain and right at the bottom you see or can you see you can maybe see a forest maybe there is a little hut there or maybe there is a river and so you make decisions based on what you see based on those bearings but if you climb a little bit higher up you can see maybe another mountain

Adrian Starks (13:52.156)
Right.

Jay H. Tepley (14:13.746)
maybe another forest, and you think, oh, actually, there is a lot more to it than I thought. And if you climb even higher up, you see, oh, wow, there is a village over there. There is like another lake, there is something else. And now you're aware of those things, so you can take them into consideration. So in our life, the higher up you go in terms of your mental and spiritual development, the more things you become aware of. The more data.

you have to work with. And now you can make a much more informed decision in terms of how to apply yourself in the world. But it always comes second. So your purpose first is becoming the greatest version of you, and secondly looking for ways to express that out in the world.

Adrian Starks (14:44.455)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (15:05.377)
Love it. Well said. And the last part, looking for ways to express it out in the world. Absolutely fantastic because that brings our fulfillment.

when we know that we're actually trusting that process and we're allowing it to be shared with the world. I love also too, Jay, how you talked about the careers not being a purpose. Because many people think that, well, if I don't have this career, then I'm a failure. Then I am not doing my part. Then I'm not living up to the expectations of once again, other people. But reality is that you can still have a career, but still at the same time have a purpose behind that career, but you're actually focusing on the purpose. And that is something I think that we need to start doing.

Jay H. Tepley (15:13.399)
Yes.

Jay H. Tepley (15:33.704)
Yeah.

Adrian Starks (15:43.415)
So with this idea of the purpose of life in general, and I love it because the show is your purpose of life, so I was like, I have to have you on. Of course, that makes sense. Why did you choose, speaking of purpose, Jay, why did you choose this purpose, this willingness to help?

Jay H. Tepley (15:43.616)
Yes.

Adrian Starks (16:03.057)
people, men in general, discover their purpose, their passions, and to ignite what we talked about earlier, success, their finances, their personal fulfillment. Why choose this? What got you on this journey?

Jay H. Tepley (16:16.77)
Right, there is a quote from one of my books called The Lightwashed Chronicles when someone asked a similar question and the answer was How do you choose your weapon? You don't. It chooses you.

Adrian Starks (16:30.672)
Okay, okay, and we'll make sure we put that link in the show to the what's the name of your book again?

Jay H. Tepley (16:31.967)
And so...

Jay H. Tepley (16:36.314)
Oh, it's the Lightwish Chronicles. Um, there we go.

Adrian Starks (16:38.777)
Perfect. There you go. Very nice. All right.

Jay H. Tepley (16:42.398)
Yeah, it's a book about finding a purpose actually. So we can talk about it later if you like. So with the purpose, it's not something that your ego mind chooses as an outfit. It's an expression of you as a person. So likewise, again, going back to an acorn, it doesn't choose to be an oak. It is an acorn so that...

Adrian Starks (16:46.078)
Hmm.

Adrian Starks (16:50.151)
Yeah.

Jay H. Tepley (17:10.854)
it will grow into an oak and nothing else is not going to become a palm tree or birch or anything else because that is their structure, that is the way it's designed. So with us you're created the way you're created and so the best thing you can do is to find the truest, fullest and most powerful expression of it and the closer you get to it the more your personal power flows.

the more you become a very grounded person in general, because this is what actually makes you unshakable, and this is what makes you immune to things like anxiety or depression, because your mind just stops functioning in a way that would support that. And this is why, for example, for me

You know, my purpose, the way I define it in words, is being a light that helps others see. And of course, an expression of it, I could have taken different path. But I think what I'm doing, teaching men leading them to the greatness, is the purest, the fastest path to achieve that purpose. From

the standpoint of where I currently am. So I hope this answers your question.

Adrian Starks (18:38.073)
I like how you said that your weapon, you don't choose your weapon, your weapon chooses you. So I've never heard of that one before. I'm like, okay, that makes sense now. The things choose us to express themselves through and then it's up to us to trust that process and allow it to be expressed, which is a bout of courage, I believe. Speaking of courage, you talk about the new superhero program.

Jay H. Tepley (18:54.167)
Yeah.

Adrian Starks (19:01.013)
Speaking of programs and helping people, particularly men and with their purpose, what should the man of the new era be aware of to keep winning, Jay?

Jay H. Tepley (19:13.902)
Oh wow, love this question. Alright, so just a recap for people who may not be aware of this. We have entered a new era of human consciousness. You might have heard about the era of Aquarius as some people refer to it. But essentially it's like a new cosmic season because we have, just like we have seasons on earth.

there are also big cosmic seasons, tide changes, if you will. And so right now we've left the previous era, the old era, which was all about watery type of energy. And by watery type of energy, I mean soft, compliant, touchy-feely. And you can notice that if you look back, and the attitude of people was very different.

let's say towards society, towards authority, towards anything. It was the era of undo what I told, I just follow say authorities, I just follow things blindly, I don't ask questions. And the new era is very different. So the previous energies, the previous era's energy was female in the universal terms, okay? It was the yin polarity, the lunar polarity.

this is why the lunar polarity follows what is already there. Think about it like water. Water would not fight back, it would fill in whatever vessel you give it and become the shape of whatever you put it in. And so the previous era was likewise about secret types of influence, about people doing things behind the scenes.

in the shadows, in the darkness. And the whole dynamic was if you want to win, follow the rules, but then do something behind the scenes. And you can see how people wear, you know, the gray cardinals, a good example of that. This is how people were winning back then. And the problem with the current way of self-development is that it keeps teaching you things the way that

Adrian Starks (21:20.658)
Hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (21:38.486)
were taught for the last 2000 years. And so the new era is actually very different and we can see the inklings of it already. So instead of everything being secret, everything gets exposed and things that before were unthought of are being talked about openly right now. Everything accelerates so things are moving a lot faster, happening a lot faster. We have

lots of technology popping up, AI and things like that, and it forces people, the energy of time forces people to A. become more rational than emotional and B. think and move faster. And so the main thing to keep in mind if someone wants to win in the new era is that the old ways are not going to work.

just as we understand the old ways of business, I'm just going to give a really crude example that is super easy to understand. Imagine if right now someone opened a business and they had no website, no email, no online presence, they would just open the shop somewhere and simply sit there looking, waiting for customers to come in, like zero technology. How far would it go? Probably not far, not far at all, right? So...

Adrian Starks (22:52.313)
Right.

Adrian Starks (22:55.613)
Not far. Have to hang it up.

Jay H. Tepley (22:59.598)
Yeah, so imagine this but in a wider scenario where someone tries to operate on the same kind of mindset that was in use all those years back but not anymore. So right now, especially for men, the thing to understand is the new era has a masculine energy. So you might have seen that slogan, the future is female, it's not true, the future is male, and we need to embrace it.

Adrian Starks (23:26.405)
Hmm.

Jay H. Tepley (23:27.978)
And the faster we do it, the faster we will win. Because the new era is about being rational, not so much emotional, being technically computer savvy and thinking of new opportunities. So looking at the world with fresh eyes, asking questions. And you can see how the new generation, to the shock and horror of the previous ones, starts...

challenging things and asking questions, sometimes uncomfortable questions, and they're like, oh, you shouldn't be asking, right? So this is the core of what you need to understand, moving and embracing responsibility for your reality. Super important, super, super important, because in the previous era, in the era of Walter, it was like, it's the society's duty to look after

Adrian Starks (23:59.113)
Right.

Adrian Starks (24:02.673)
Hehehe

Jay H. Tepley (24:25.894)
or just life in general is happening to me, I'm just a poor little victim of my circumstances and I can do the best within the confines of whatever system is created for me by them. Whereas in the new era, if you keep that mindset, it's going to backfire big time, because the energy of the new era kind of forces you to embrace personal responsibility for your life, for your reality.

Hence the manifestation techniques, hence the reality bending, because the man of the new era is a creator of realities. So that is really important to keep in mind.

Adrian Starks (25:06.765)
Love it. Love it, love it. The man of the new era is a man that creates their own realities. Love it. I think I'm going to go. Yes, new era superhero. I'm going to give you another quote here from Abraham Lincoln, speaking of men. He said, the best way to predict your future is to create it. So if we're creating things, then that's how we predict our future. And this new era superhero, I just love it. Just love what you're doing here. It makes me excited. So.

Jay H. Tepley (25:14.278)
Yeah, and he's a New Era superhero.

Jay H. Tepley (25:24.786)
Absolutely.

Jay H. Tepley (25:34.775)
Thank you.

Adrian Starks (25:35.853)
You're welcome. Many entrepreneurs in men in business tend to hit a plateau at one point. And we've seen this, right? Mentally, emotionally, and financially. What is the best way out of that for them? An action step. One step they can start doing to get that foot out of that little stuck position.

Jay H. Tepley (25:40.552)
Yeah.

Jay H. Tepley (25:55.238)
you ask the best questions. So I'll give you an example from my writing practice. And so I wrote about eight books, nine books on Amazon, and there is one common pattern that I noticed when I was writing. And that is sometimes, you know, you sit down and it just flows. You just write. And then suddenly you get stuck.

Adrian Starks (25:58.193)
Thank you.

Jay H. Tepley (26:22.79)
and you hit what is called a writer's block. And so it's the same thing that those people are experiencing, except it's not in writing. It's an entrepreneur's block, let's say, or a fitness block, right, or a mental block. But I believe that the underlying issue, underlying cause is the same, and that is every time that I hit a plateau and I couldn't move forward.

was because I was listening to my ego instead of my heart. And the ego would always take you only so far and get stuck every single time. So what I've discovered with writing, the easiest way to get out of that block was to delete the last two paragraphs and start anew. And so if you feel that you are stuck,

Adrian Starks (26:58.449)
Whoa, that's big.

Jay H. Tepley (27:20.746)
It could be that you've been listening to your ego for too long, and now the ego is a bad, bad navigator. So it took you to a blind alley somewhere. What you need to do is to retract a couple of steps back and look for a new direction. And to do that, I would say the easiest way to do it is to get a mentor, because they can give you an objective view of where you are, of what is happening, because once you are in that state...

Obviously there are lots of blind spots and it's not impossible to get out of it yourself, but sometimes it can just take a lot of time. So ideally you want to find someone who you trust to have a look, review what is happening right now and where your ego has taken you. And then say, right, okay, so you just need to undo this couple of things and start moving in a different direction. That is actually aligned.

with your sole purpose.

Adrian Starks (28:21.977)
Love it. And speaking of mentors, Jay, how can our listeners today reach out to you and learn more about your superhero, new era superhero program and the things that you're doing across the world for people, helping them discover their purpose?

Jay H. Tepley (28:37.654)
The easiest way is to reach through social media because I'm very active on social media. So you can find me on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, anywhere that you can basically TikTok as well. So just put New Era Superhero in the social media of your choice and you can find me there. And of course you can also reach out through my website which is newerasuperhero.com

Adrian Starks (29:08.569)
Love it. And for the question of the hour here, I always ask my guest, Jay, what does living a purposeful life mean to you?

Jay H. Tepley (29:14.476)
Alright.

Jay H. Tepley (29:20.606)
It means being at peace and being able to serve the world greatly. To make a true difference.

Adrian Starks (29:29.649)
There you go. And this is a person that knows their purpose. Jay, it's been wonderful having you on the show.

Jay H. Tepley (29:36.89)
And it's been wonderful talking to you, loved your questions. Thank you!