Connecting with Gen Z: Curiosity and Openness with Sara Deacon

Episode #129

In this conversation, Adrian Starks interviews Sara Deacon, an adulting coach who works with young adults to help them play in their passions and own their future. They discuss the misconceptions about Gen Z, including the belief that they are lazy or directionless. Sara explains that Gen Z is actually overwhelmed and anxious, but they want to make an impact and be their best selves. They also talk about the challenges Gen Z faces, such as mental health issues and the pressure to navigate a rapidly changing world. Sara provides advice for parents on how to connect with their Gen Z children, including asking open-ended questions and being curious about their interests. She also shares tips for Gen Z individuals on how to have more fun and overcome fear by changing their mindset and trying new things. Living a purposeful life, for Sara, means being connected to oneself, inspiring others, and surrounding oneself with passionate and purposeful people.

Takeaways

• Gen Z is often misunderstood and labeled as lazy or directionless, but they are actually overwhelmed and anxious, and they want to make an impact and be their best selves.
• Mental health is a major concern for Gen Z, and they often feel that the support they receive is inadequate.
• Parents can connect with their Gen Z children by asking open-ended questions, being curious about their interests, and building relationships with their friends, teachers, and coaches.
• Gen Z individuals can have more fun and overcome fear by changing their mindset, trying new things, and reframing fear as excitement.
• Living a purposeful life means being connected to oneself, inspiring others, and surrounding oneself with passionate and purposeful people.

Aha moments from Sara

"Gen Z is overwhelmed and anxious, but they want to make an impact and be their best selves."

"Mental health is a major concern for Gen Z, and they often feel that the support they receive is inadequate.

"Parents can connect with their Gen Z children by asking open-ended questions and being curious about their interests."

Resources

Guest: Sara Deacon  

Social Media

Website: https://saradeacon.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/saradeaconcoach
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saradeacon
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@saradeaconcoach
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@saradeaconcoach

Transcript

Adrian Starks (00:02.451)
Welcome back everyone to Adrian Starks (00:02.451)
Welcome back everyone to Your Purposeful Life and I'm your host Adrian Starks. Today's topic, what are we getting wrong about Gen Z? Maybe you're a Gen Z right now and you're finding life a bit frustrating and intimidating, or maybe you have a Gen Z child at home and you're not connecting with them, or maybe it's a student. Today's guest is Sarah Deacon and she's going to talk about building our confidence to suck at new things, releasing fears and outdated beliefs and to have fun by playing with our passions to adult successfully.

Sarah is the adulting coach empowering young adults to play in their passions and own their future like a boss She's a compassionate mentor and articulate speaker creative and martial artists. We're gonna get into that a little later to parent and entrepreneur What hasn't she done actually Sarah? Welcome to the show today?

Sara Deacon (00:49.25)
Thanks for watching!

Thank you, Adrienne. It's so good to be here.

Adrian Starks (00:55.711)
It's great to have you here. Let's get right into this here. I'm very happy to have you on to talk about this disconnect we have with the younger generation. What do most people get wrong about Gen Z?

Sara Deacon (01:09.43)
Well, I've heard a lot of people complaining that Gen Z is lazy or directionless. And while the behaviors might indicate that that's a valid story, what's really going on is that they're overwhelmed and anxious and they really do want to make something of themselves. They want to make an impact. They want to be their best selves. They just don't always know how.

Adrian Starks (01:16.393)
Hmm.

Adrian Starks (01:40.451)
That's true. They don't always know how and I like how you brought that up because it's the first thing we think is they here's some of the things I've heard. They're entitled. They feel entitled. They don't know how to work hard. They want everything easy. They want the shortcuts to everything. And I believe that we're living in this world where things are different now. Like you and I, we come from a different generation. I think now I am, I'm considered to be a millennial. So I'm on the tail end of the gen X, right? So we came from that era where everything was changing at once.

Sara Deacon (01:48.232)
Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (02:04.83)
I'm a Gen X.

Sara Deacon (02:09.333)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (02:10.451)
And we kind of was able to be guided through those changes. Like for instance, for me, I was in the era of cassettes. And then it went to CDs. And then it went to DVD players. And it went to MP3. So we kind of slowly got guided by society into changes. Whereas now, things are very different. I was doing some research. And I was shocked to hear this, Sarah, that the Generation Gen Z, they take up more than one quarter of America's population, making them larger than baby boomers and millennials. So when we talk about that, that's

Sara Deacon (02:38.752)
Ooh, that's cool.

Adrian Starks (02:40.451)
huge number, right? I mean, it's so much going on with this generation. What do you find is a reoccurring concern with this generation right now?

Sara Deacon (02:41.913)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (02:52.13)
One of the big things is mental health. They are beautifully aware that mental health is important and the support they're getting is not up to the standards they need. So they're really aware of this. And a lot of us adults too, we're really aware that there's a mental health crisis. Teen suicide is on the rise and it's affecting kids you wouldn't expect.

Adrian Starks (02:54.793)
Mm.

Sara Deacon (03:23.23)
in these kids, these young adults who are feeling a lot of pressure and sometimes honestly it's pressure they're putting on themselves but they haven't been equipped with the tools to regulate it, to handle it, to handle pressure whether it's from their own selves or from other other sources, jobs, school, whatever it might be. So there's this simmering anxiety and they I had a young man

he they grew up hearing about 9-11, 9-11, terrorists can strike at any time, 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. So it's like even before COVID, which is a whole other thing they've been dealing with, even before then it's 9-11, it's school shootings, it's like all of these things that have blown up in the news, they've just been peppered and inundated with it their whole lives.

Adrian Starks (04:22.251)
Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (04:23.03)
I mean, my son was born in 2007, so well after 9-11, but again, it's in the history, it's in recent history. It's not that far gone from where they are. And then again, you know, the school shootings and the divisive news, politics, all of the things, they are looking for identity, purpose, belonging in this crazy mixed up world that

Adrian Starks (04:28.513)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (04:52.19)
well, let's be honest. So what are they supposed to do? How are they supposed to be acting?

Adrian Starks (04:54.291)
That is true.

Adrian Starks (05:01.311)
That is true because even as adults, we are the same way we're trying to figure ourselves out along this fiasco of multiple changes and unpredictable outcomes that are happening. And you brought up a great point. They are coming in an era where they're just brought into this. There's just so much that they can't control that is happening. That's in their face. And I like to add to that social media is an access or accessible point that they have that we didn't have growing up. And so they have a.

Sara Deacon (05:18.813)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (05:22.572)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (05:26.83)
Mm-hmm. Whole other conversation. Ha ha ha. Yeah.

Adrian Starks (05:31.511)
that we'll have to have, but they have more of a finger touch away of what's going on around the world versus we had to sit down, watch the news or hear from our adult peers, whereas everything is different now. And I find that that's, like you said, a big problem. What brought you into this work? I mean, this purpose that you're doing now working with young adults to help them play in their passions and own their future like a boss. Was there something that got you into this work?

Sara Deacon (05:37.991)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (05:42.65)
All right.

Adrian Starks (06:01.392)
wanted to do. How did this happen for you?

Sara Deacon (06:03.49)
Well, I will be honest, Adrienne, I never wanted to work with teenagers, never did. Well, I mean, you know, let's be real, like a lot of adults, even if they're parents of teenagers, they're like, oh my gosh, they're teenagers now, tearing their hair out, like, what do I do? Like, we just have this bias against the teenagers. Oh, they're hormonal, they're full of like angst and they don't want anybody's help and they think they know all the answers.

Adrian Starks (06:08.571)
Why is that? Why wouldn't you?

Adrian Starks (06:21.892)
Thank you. Bye.

Adrian Starks (06:27.719)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (06:33.57)
You know, so there is definitely resistance and there was with me. And as I stepped into my coaching career, more and more often I heard people say to me and ask me, like, do you work with teenagers? Because they need help. They need people on their side. They need people to believe in themselves, you know, to help them believe in themselves because they're just, they're struggling. You know, the last couple years, especially

Adrian Starks (06:54.351)
Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (07:03.61)
of things got taken away and especially what you mentioned they feel this lack of control. There are so many opportunities and options and ways to get information, ways to learn new things that sometimes it's just too much so they don't do anything which again ends up looking like they're lazy or entitled or whatever the whatever the story we tell about them is. So the more people

work with teenagers, I have this student group or I have this young person in my life, they're really struggling and I never thought of coaching for them because they just don't they don't want to go to therapy. And again mental health is a bigger conversation now than it used to be and there's still some resistance to therapy with kids who might not feel like they have it that bad that they need to go to therapy. There's also therapists are not taking

Adrian Starks (07:59.533)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (08:03.73)
a lot of the times they're waiting like six months to a year before being able to be seen in therapy sometimes depending on where, depending on where they're at or what kind of you know insurance coverage, all of that stuff. So, so yeah, as I stepped into coaching and heard more and more about not just the people I was talking to but their kids or their students or the teenagers they knew,

Adrian Starks (08:09.492)
Oh wow, I didn't know that.

Adrian Starks (08:16.492)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (08:33.73)
adult clients helping them with balance, taking control of their lives, facing fears, things like that. They're like, oh my gosh, what about teenagers? Do you work with them? And I said, well, I don't see why not. It's all the same thing. We're all dealing with the same things. Yes, the teens, the young adults, they have a different perspective because they've grown up in this social media, this technology that we didn't. But their concerns are the same. They're afraid.

they're looking for autonomy, they're looking for control in their lives, they're looking for ways to deal with what comes at them that's out of their control. And that's something, again, at each level we all need to take a look at and get support in, whether it's from peers, a teacher, a coach, a mentor, a parent, a friend's parent, whoever it is, we all need each other to help get us through.

Adrian Starks (09:34.931)
What are some of the challenges or what is a common challenge you find that parents have connecting to their teenage or their, their, their Gen Z counterpart.

Sara Deacon (09:45.53)
Yeah, I think kind of like what you started saying in the beginning, the stereotypes that they have, oh, they just want to be in their room all the time. They don't want to do anything. They don't want to get up off the couch. They don't want to get off their phone. They're just, they're not engaged in the world. So parents have this worry that when their kid spends all day on video games,

Sara Deacon (10:17.211)
When you really look at it though from the kids perspective or the adult, you know, young adult, whoever it is, they might be going to that video game because, hey, their friends are online gaming with them. And so they are talking with friends. They're working at something side by side. They're collaborating on a team for a mission. So they're actually developing skills. It's just in a different

we might even see or be aware of because they're like us. They have their headphones on, they're like focused on their screen, right? So we don't always see those skills that they are building, the leadership, the collaboration, the creative problem solving, those kinds of things. So if I were to invite parents to find those doorways to connection, what it might look like is asking,

Adrian Starks (11:10.893)
the connection.

Sara Deacon (11:15.61)
you playing with? Are you like, is there is it a mission style or is it an open world or you know learning a little bit about their world because I know I didn't know anything.

Adrian Starks (11:15.673)
Hmm.

Adrian Starks (11:27.034)
What if they get the rolling of the eyes? You know, those teenagers, they were like, oh my goodness, why are you in my room? So what happens if they get that response?

Sara Deacon (11:32.61)
Right. You know what? Be okay with it. Be okay with the rolling of the eyes because it's not personal. They actually do really want you as part of their world. They want you present. They want you to be there in a non-threatening way. And that's why I say, you know, ask questions, be curious. Hey, I never played a game like this before because a lot of millennials, Gen X parents,

Adrian Starks (11:47.951)
you

Sara Deacon (12:02.59)
I've been beating my kids at Dr. Mario lately because we have this little game boy. Right? Yeah, Dr. Mario is the one like Tetris with the little pills that killed the little bugs. Yeah. But you know, like they pulled out this game and like they're doing okay. They're getting to level like one or two and I'm like, all right, let me try. And I'm getting to level like eight, nine, fifteen, you know, I'm just killing it. But like that's the games I grew up with.

Adrian Starks (12:05.311)
Oh, that's my game. Super Mario 3 was my favorite one, Super Mario 3. Oh yeah.

Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (12:32.53)
know anything about like Fortnite or Dark Souls or whatever else is on the, you know, on the kids' radars right now. So I ask questions because most of the time, especially with older teenagers, the interactions they have with parents are, is your homework done? How are your grades?

Adrian Starks (12:58.215)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (13:02.791)
of the you know the activities they need to get done. Right it's a

Adrian Starks (13:06.091)
feels like imprisonment, right? Like they're in some kind of facility. They're being told what to do and forced, right? And it's not me, for the parents listening, it's not prison, I'm not saying it's prison, but that's how they feel, you know?

Sara Deacon (13:11.51)
Exactly, exactly. And so.

Sara Deacon (13:18.49)
No. Right. It's not at all. It's coming from a place of concern. You need to know the information that they have if you need to sign a field trip permission slip or if you need to talk to them about their missing homework or their grades slipping or whatever it is. The invitation is to make sure and be intentional spending time not talking about that stuff so that

have to talk about that stuff you can be like look I have to talk about this with you what's going on and have that that consistent pattern of curiosity so that it doesn't feel as confrontational. It will always feel confrontational to the kids like it it will just then they're they'll push back and they won't want to have those tough conversations. Again checking your own energy and being like

Sara Deacon (14:17.27)
that's not like you, can you tell me more?" instead of coming in saying, you need to do your work, you should be doing x, y, and z, and you you've got to do that right now. And coming in the controller in the situation where they really are wanting the control, they want the agency to make their own choices, but explaining things like, well if you make this choice here is a potential consequence.

Adrian Starks (14:30.172)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (14:47.39)
through to the consequences. Their brains just aren't developed to think long-term consequences to some of their choices. That's where we come in as parents, as guides, as mentors. So it's just maintaining that curiosity where if they do roll their eyes or if they do get really angry, I have boys, they blow up, they are angry. You know if they do get angry not taking it personally it can feel so personal as a parent. It can feel really really personal,

Adrian Starks (15:06.351)
Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (15:17.15)
especially if they don't want to talk to you. And that's, again, another reason why I do what I do is because it's another adult who cares, who's going to pour into them, who's going to see them, and who's not in a position to judge or shame or even give off that impression, right? Because the parents, it's just going to feel that way. No matter how good a parent you are,

it's just gonna feel that way to a kid. So as a parent being intentional about the other parents in your kid's life, knowing your your kid's friends parents, knowing their coaches, knowing their teachers, and knowing that the people that your kid is choosing to surround themselves with are people who share similar values and similar you know outlooks on life that they can pour into

Adrian Starks (15:49.793)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (16:17.451)
It's just as important now in their teens and young adults as it was when they were babies and toddlers.

Adrian Starks (16:23.891)
I like that. You have a great explanation for that. One thing that stood out to me was you said that with the young adults, their brain hasn't developed to the point to where they can see long-term effects. And as parents, I'm not a parent, but from what you're saying, as a parent, looking at it from your perspective, it's not always the right thing to do because you're looking at someone who doesn't see it that way. And so that part of that disconnection comes from the expectation of thinking they should see it that way when reality is they don't. And I like how you, yeah,

Sara Deacon (16:49.55)
Mm-hmm. Right, and that's why asking questions is so important. Staying curious.

Adrian Starks (16:54.811)
Questions is so important. Staying curious and being, how do I say this? Being curious but actually being curious with an open heart, not just why are you doing this or what's going on with you. It's exactly that kind of interrogation, and just really try and get on their level of connection and partnership. I think that's so important because growing up as a child, our parents connected with us,

Sara Deacon (17:08.21)
What were you thinking? That's very, very confrontational. Right.

Adrian Starks (17:23.851)
brother and I and so we felt like there was a really good connection and there was this conversation. It wasn't so much of you did this wrong. It was like, well what happened here? You know, can you talk to me a little bit more about that? And then we go into our explanation. So we never held anything from our parents. So when something was going on, we were quick to say, this is what I'm experiencing right now. I don't know what to do. What can I do about it? And so it really put us into a position where we were able to navigate through

Sara Deacon (17:32.371)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (17:46.461)
him.

Sara Deacon (17:54.692)
Yeah.

Adrian Starks (17:54.911)
But let's get on the subject here of now, we talked about parents, a solution, how they connect with their Gen Z. Now for the Gen Z's that are listening, they haven't dropped off already because they have a very short attention span. But if you're a parent, let's have your Gen Z listen to this part of it. So if you're a Gen Z and you want to have more fun with your life, take off the pressure, this fear of missing out on everything that they have right now.

Sara Deacon (18:06.07)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (18:21.433)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (18:23.851)
more openly and with passion, how do they start doing that despite the failure that will possibly happen and some of the letdown of life experiences? What can they start doing?

Sara Deacon (18:33.45)
Yeah a lot of it is is mindset and this this may be new information for some young people, may not be because again mental health is something we talk about. We talk about how we think about different things. I like to use the WTF acronym that words thoughts feelings. If you choose certain words whether you're talking to yourself or other people that will influence the thoughts that you

Adrian Starks (18:57.094)
Okay.

Sara Deacon (19:03.49)
have and the feelings that result. So if you tell yourself that, well I I'm too anxious, I'm too overwhelmed, I'm too this, too that, to do a thing and that may or may not be true and it causes anxiety, I can't do that thing because I'm too whatever, then the action is not gonna happen. There's gonna be that

sort of paralysis of like I'm not gonna move forward with this because it's just too scary, it's too intimidating, whatever it might be. If you start to tell yourself well I'm excited and I wonder how I could do the thing. It lessens the pressure of like well I have to be a certain way, I have to be something that

Sara Deacon (20:03.39)
that I want to do, if you just relax and give yourself permission to try it, to explore it, to play with it, it becomes more manageable.

Adrian Starks (20:17.972)
Hmm.

Sara Deacon (20:19.13)
So an example might be, we'll talk about martial arts later, so let's use martial arts, right? Oh, I could never do martial arts because I'm not that, I'm not an athletic person. So maybe they never step out and they never try a martial art, even though I think it's really, really valuable for most people. Maybe they say, well, I'm not athletic enough to start,

Adrian Starks (20:21.979)
you

Yes, we will get into that a little bit later. Yeah.

Adrian Starks (20:32.217)
you

Sara Deacon (20:49.17)
themselves even though like maybe they're friends in martial arts and having a great time keeps inviting them. Oh no I'm not that way I could never do that. Well going in with a different perspective is well my friend's inviting me to try one class. Maybe I'll try one class because my friend will be there. I'll be excited to be with my friend and or even if it's something maybe your friends don't do. Well I really think it might be cool to learn a little bit of this

Because again the culture we live in it's it's a valuable skill so for whatever reason I think I might want to do it but I'm scared. Well I might want to do this and I'm scared and I can do it. And just letting go of having to not be scared to do something is is important. It's one of these things

level of trust that comes in. Okay well this this martial arts school has been doing this forever, they know what they're doing, I'm going to trust that they're going to teach me what I need to know even if I know nothing. Which again most martial arts schools out there we're meant to meet you where where you are right? So it's it's all about the stories we tell ourselves in our own head. The feeling physiologically of fear and excitement they're the same.

Adrian Starks (22:17.551)
Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (22:19.37)
So if you tell yourself you're scared, you're going to be scared. If you tell yourself you're excited, you're going to be excited.

Adrian Starks (22:27.177)
Hmm.

Sara Deacon (22:28.81)
In the body, they feel the same way. There's the rapid heartbeat. There's a little bit of maybe sweat, maybe some like flushing of the skin, like whatever it is. In the body, it's the same, whether you're scared or excited. And it comes to the mental discipline of just changing the language around it. It's like, oh, well, this is something I really wanna do. I feel scared. Well, maybe I'm just excited. It all has to do with how you talk to yourself.

Adrian Starks (22:41.921)
Hmm.

Adrian Starks (22:58.851)
powerful. I love that the mindset perspective of it and how you're talking to yourself, fear and excitement are the same emotions, just how which one you're deciding to listen to. And the Gen Z is out here today. Definitely, there's a lot of fear going on around the world and we get that. However, there's a lot of things that you can control. And this is just what Sarah said, your self talk and trying out new things, you know, sucking at

Sara Deacon (23:22.95)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (23:27.89)
Right. Right.

Adrian Starks (23:28.851)
undo it, doing that, and then learning from it. And is this what you mean by playing in your passions? Like when you're trying something out, you say, okay, I'm gonna get excited now, let me go on this, let me see what I can do, I don't know what's gonna happen, but let's just dabble in it a little bit.

Sara Deacon (23:38.253)
Right.

Sara Deacon (23:43.29)
Yeah, that's the foundation of the work that I do, is first we actually get clear, what is it that you want? Because most of us, even adults, we spend a lot of time reacting to what we don't want or trying to avoid what we don't want, that we don't actually give ourselves the space to breathe and actually check in with what we do want in our lives. So that is the first element of the work that we do, is awareness around like what's going on

Sara Deacon (24:13.25)
deal look like? What would living your passion look like? Most, you know, sometimes kids, they say, well, I want to do this with my life. And yet every time maybe an opportunity comes along, they're like, meh, I'm not going to do that. Well, I don't feel like doing that. So it's like, why? Well, because it's important and there's fear around it and they

Sara Deacon (24:44.011)
So that comes into play too where again if you realize that this is something you want

there's gonna be times where it's not gonna go perfectly and it's still gonna be okay. Sometimes what we do is unpack the anxiety around a thing. I had a situation with a young lady who was moving into a dorm for a time and was terrified, so anxious about it. We talked and I was like,

Adrian Starks (25:16.394)
new world.

Sara Deacon (25:25.29)
Well, I might get scammed or stolen from or whatever the, you know, whatever the the thoughts that were coming up. We talked through it and, okay, so what if that actually happens? What if you get scammed? What if you get stolen from? What'll happen? Well, I'll call my parents or I'll deal with the police or you know, whatever, you know, actually looking at it and

could actually be manageable. Like even if the worst case scenario happens, they can still get through it. It's just, they spend a lot of time fighting the anxieties. Oh, I'm being silly. I'm judging, like they judge themselves. You judge yourself for having the crazy irrational fear that you have. But if you actually lean into it a little bit and say, well, what am I really afraid of? Well, what really would happen if that happened? What if that happened?

giving yourself that like well I could plan or I could I know I have resources or I know I have the tools to use to deal with that kind of situation so it gives them back that sense of control.

Adrian Starks (26:37.291)
Love it. Great answer. And there we go. We talked about the expectations, the fears, how to dive into the passion, regardless of what the outcome is going to be. And this has been absolutely a fantastic conversation around that. I can see why you are kicking butt out there and you're helping other people will do the same. Yeah. So the question I'm going to ask you now is, what does living a purposeful life mean to you, Sarah, when

Sara Deacon (26:55.217)
I feel like we could talk a long, long time.

Sara Deacon (27:07.17)
Oh, for me, living a personal or purposeful life means that I am, well, I can go into my passions. I am shining as my highest self. I'm deeply connected to myself, my family. I'm continually inspiring others to believe in themselves. I'm surrounded by excited, passionate and purposeful people.

Adrian Starks (27:07.251)
All said and done.

Sara Deacon (27:37.37)
relationships. So those are my top five passions. This is something I do with my clients. This is something I do. It's called the Passion Test. It's out there. There's a book. It's not mine. But I am a certified Passion Test Facilitator. So the passions for me point to that purpose. Living that purposeful life is having that feeling like when all those things are in place, like

Sara Deacon (28:07.19)
exactly what I've been put here to do. And it does involve me working on myself and lifting up other people and showing them what's possible for them.

Adrian Starks (28:20.071)
Wonderful answer. Sarah has been great to have you on the show today.

Sara Deacon (28:24.91)
Well, thank you so much, Adrienne. I love this conversation.

Adrian Starks (28:31.331)
Okay, so now we're going to go a little bit deeper, Sarah, into this conversation about martial arts. Now, I know that you all were waiting for it, and we just had to wait a little bit longer to give this information. So Sarah, you, you, what is it? What type of martial arts do you do? Is it? It's karate? Okay, how long have you been doing that for?

Sara Deacon (28:47.65)
I it's karate. Yeah, I've been in it about five years, I want to say. It's been maybe a little over five years. Not sure. Yeah.

Adrian Starks (28:57.251)
Okay, excellent. Okay. I definitely connected with you when I saw that. I was like, oh, fellow martial artists, I love it. I have to talk to you about this. We can nerd out about it. So my martial arts is in Taekwondo. And so I've done that for, wow, since I was a teenager. I competed, I taught. And so it's played a major factor in my life on so many levels. What I wanna ask you is how did karate teach you

Sara Deacon (29:05.766)
Right.

Sara Deacon (29:11.013)
Okay.

Sara Deacon (29:17.19)
Good. Yeah.

Adrian Starks (29:27.513)
you some lessons.

Sara Deacon (29:28.39)
So much, so much. So my kids started maybe eight or nine years ago. So my oldest started when he was like six or seven years old. And then the middle one started a couple of years later. And then when the little one, I have three sons. So when the youngest one started, then I was able to join for free. So I started at the same time as him. So we've been a karate family

Adrian Starks (29:36.014)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (29:52.011)
go.

Sara Deacon (29:58.35)
And my husband just recently started in December, so it's family that kicks together, sticks together, right? But when my kids started, it was really cool because our school is very...

Adrian Starks (30:02.471)
Great.

Adrian Starks (30:06.333)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (30:16.39)
very involved with teaching the life skills and the life lessons even more like emphasis than the proper kicking technique or whatever especially for the little ones when they first start. It is all about the the values and the life skills. So the lessons that they were teaching these kids and as I was watching the instructors teach my sons the things they were saying kept coming up in my life. Like we communicate openly honestly and intentionally or we respect

tradition and embrace change, a couple of our values. We hold ourselves and each other accountable for our actions and attitude. Like these are a couple of the values from our school that they would teach them and pour into these kids at three, four, five, six, seven years old. And as I'm sitting there watching every class, like soaking it all in, even from the sidelines, I'm going, I'm not doing that. How can I do that better? So you talk about life lessons. This was, I'm in my, you know,

mid-30s and learning all these things from from the the kids or from the karate classes that I'm not even taking. So that was really cool and if it wouldn't have been for all of that I don't know if I ever would have started a business. I had a business before I was doing coaching. I don't know if I ever would have done some of the things in my life that I have done. So much less become a

Adrian Starks (31:41.914)
Hmm.

Sara Deacon (31:46.35)
instructor.

Adrian Starks (31:47.972)
I love it. It's such a powerful way of growing as a person because I think, this is my opinion, that martial arts should be mandatory in schools because I think it would really resolve a lot of the issues with bullying, also a lot of the issues with people feeling like they're less than because it teaches so much more than just the physical. I'll never forget this Sarah, when I was really in my flow of training, when I was on my way to getting

Sara Deacon (32:02.053)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (32:06.071)
Right.

Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (32:16.931)
I had everything. I had the physical ability to do things. I was quick. I was fast. I was kind of mean at times. And I'll never forget. Yeah, I'll never forget that. I sometimes I was a lot of control. And I remember my instructor. He helped me back for about a year before getting my black belt. And I couldn't understand why. And I said, well, what's going on? I said, I'm doing everything right. I knew all the forms. I know the techniques. I've sparred. I've done this. I've volunteered.

Sara Deacon (32:23.35)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, you got to be able to tap into that.

Sara Deacon (32:32.612)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (32:46.251)
You're not getting what I'm trying to teach you here. This is not used to hurt people. This is used to protect yourself, but more importantly, self-control. If you can't control yourself on these mats, you can't control yourself out there. And he says, Adrian, black belt is not around your waist necessarily. It's in your mind. And so with that being said, I was a little ticked off. It's like, how dare you? I'm not coming to school anymore. But I kept going back.

Sara Deacon (32:51.015)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (32:54.75)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (33:04.55)
Thank you so much.

Sara Deacon (33:08.815)
I bet, I bet.

Yeah. Yeah. But what a kind and loving thing for your instructor to do for you.

Adrian Starks (33:16.271)
and I realized what he was telling me.

Adrian Starks (33:20.911)
Yeah, yeah, I was upset, but it really made me think twice about what I was in it for. Was I in it just for the facade of having it? Or do I really want to embrace the lifestyle of it? And that's what I learned.

Sara Deacon (33:27.55)
video.

Sara Deacon (33:32.63)
Right. And that's, yeah, be long before I became I earned my black belt, I became a black belt, I was wearing a blue belt or a red belt or whatever it was. And I was like, you know, I was, I was teaching some warm ups and leading some classes and stuff. And the kids were like, why? What are you? Why aren't you a black belt? And I was like, I am a black belt. I'm just not wearing it yet. So again, it was adopting that mindset early. And saying, yeah, this is something

Adrian Starks (33:39.443)
Mm-mm.

Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (33:46.611)
That's what I did too, yeah.

Adrian Starks (33:53.395)
Mm-hmm.

Sara Deacon (34:02.49)
then I'll achieve it, right? I'll get it eventually if I continue to show up that way. So it is, it's a mindset thing. And I was teaching my young achievers class, you know, like five or six to nine year olds the other day about the power of their voice. And why do we yell? Why do we yell on the mats in here, right? The key hop, yeah. Why do we use our voice a lot? And we were working on some self-defense, like the leave me alone, you know, bringing the voice out.

Adrian Starks (34:08.472)
Yeah.

Adrian Starks (34:20.356)
Mm-hmm.

The key up, the key up. Hehehehe.

Sara Deacon (34:32.49)
like if you can't bring yourself bring your voice out here where everybody's doing it and we're telling you to be loud and be you know be your full bring your full self out and that full energy then you're never going to go out there and give your brilliant ideas to the world. You're never going to be able to stand up in front of a group of people and say this is what I believe or whatever it is that you need to contribute to the world. So it is it's about way more than just packing power

Adrian Starks (34:32.616)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (34:50.451)
Thanks for watching!

Sara Deacon (35:02.69)
or a kick with the key hop is about actually trusting that your voice is important and can move you forward in your life.

Adrian Starks (35:04.692)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (35:12.071)
Mm hmm. It's so important. You're right. And that's something that I'm glad you brought that up because a lot of people don't talk about that is the voice behind that. The whole idea of the yelling that is getting that part of you out to getting out of getting out of that, that bubble. Oh yeah, they're they're they're looking around at other adults like, you know, it's like, no, no, you're you have to be and when you're that way you're considered crazy, right? They think that oh, there's what's going on with this person here. I don't want to I don't want to spar with that person.

Sara Deacon (35:23.43)
Yeah, the adults are the worst with that. Yeah, I'm the loudest in my adult class, I tell you.

Sara Deacon (35:36.79)
Mm-hmm, a little bit. Right, right. But it has. It helps. It has helped me bring my voice out in situations like this where I'm like, hey, I actually have some things to say. I have things to say. Did I say it perfectly on your podcast? Probably not, but like I know what I'm talking about. Right. Yeah, is it perfect?

Adrian Starks (35:40.971)
They live there, they're like low on edge. So when he, but it's, but it's fun because yeah.

Yes.

Adrian Starks (35:57.351)
You did great. You did great. I can actually see the confidence radiating from you. It doesn't need to be perfect, yeah.

Sara Deacon (36:06.69)
message and my voice is important and it matters because people need to hear it. So yeah.

Adrian Starks (36:12.411)
And I like that. And I think that's what we need for the Gen Z generation is to have that voice come out more, not in an aggressive way, but in a way of like, I need this. Can you help me with this? And expressing in those ways, I think will resolve a lot of the key issues that are going on. But back to that martial arts, I believe that if we can find some way to get more of these kids involved in things like that, it doesn't have to be karate. If you're listening, doesn't have to be taekwondo, it could be any type of martial arts, or any

Sara Deacon (36:14.79)
Yeah. No.

Sara Deacon (36:24.351)
Right.

Sara Deacon (36:31.316)
Oh yeah.

Sara Deacon (36:39.471)
now.

Yeah.

Adrian Starks (36:42.551)
or anything that revolves around an interest that you have. Because what we're looking at here, what we're talking about today of Marsha, is structure. That's where the big thing there is structure and discipline. It's coming to the class. It's being involved with a group of people, having to learn together, making mistakes, like you talked about earlier, you know, and having some fun with it, right? And that's what this is about.

Sara Deacon (36:49.355)
Right.

Sara Deacon (36:55.35)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (36:59.25)
Yeah.

Right, I was at an event for one of my high school students with one of these STEM events. It's like a Rube Goldberg type of thing where they had to build this machinery and there was a theme, it was like a space theme. It was super cool. And these teams that they were standing out there and speaking to the adult judges, looking them in the eye, talking about the mistakes they made building the thing, talking about working together as a team and just talking about their experience.

It was like something like that, a STEM program or STEAM program in a school, a club or activity that again gives the structure, the discipline, the community, the collaboration, the confidence to speak to someone, look them in the eye and say, here's what I did, here's what I liked, here's what I did wrong, here's what I messed up, here's how I fixed it. Building that resilience, building that confidence is, again, it doesn't have to be martial arts,

Arts is a great resource, a great opportunity for kids. But even things like that, club activity group, something in STEM, something in music, something in even like socially playing like Dungeons and Dragons or something in your friend's basement. That's something that I used to do in high school as well. So like, again, it worked those same skills, the personal skills, the

Adrian Starks (38:17.558)
Mm-hmm.

Adrian Starks (38:23.271)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (38:31.55)
Thanks.

Adrian Starks (38:32.851)
Love it. So if you're a parent listening, then this is some more ideas for you to find a way to connect with your child, maybe even get in the class with them, and take martial arts with them, and bond with them some kind of way, figure out what kind of game they like, board games at home, or some kind of video game that you like that you can connect with them on, something to get them involved. And this has been a wonderful time, Sarah. I think that we could go on and on and talk, and I need to have you back on again for sure,

Sara Deacon (38:45.475)
Yeah.

Sara Deacon (39:01.556)
Great, I would love it.

Adrian Starks (39:03.031)
love the conversation between us. And I just wanna thank you for being you and showing up and helping people see that it is okay to suck at things, but still have fun and still to grow and still develop and that adulting can be fun. And I really appreciate what you're bringing to the planet.

Sara Deacon (39:14.762)
Yeah.

Thank you.